


And We Can Breathe Again

by bhsbaby



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-06
Updated: 2010-06-06
Packaged: 2017-10-09 23:11:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/92634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bhsbaby/pseuds/bhsbaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is Lucifer's vessel. Sam and Castiel are dealing. Poorly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And We Can Breathe Again

**Author's Note:**

> Au Post Lucifer Rising, No Spoilers for S5. This was started before the season and was summarily Jossed :) BIG shoutout to [](http://nightswhisper.livejournal.com/profile)[**nightswhisper**](http://nightswhisper.livejournal.com/) for betaing and [](http://9-of-clubs.livejournal.com/profile)[**9_of_clubs**](http://9-of-clubs.livejournal.com/) for cheering me on so much and providing such inspiration!

  
  
  
  
  


**Entry tags:**

| 

  
[fandom stuff](http://bhsbaby.livejournal.com/tag/fandom%20stuff), [fiction](http://bhsbaby.livejournal.com/tag/fiction), [spn ramblings](http://bhsbaby.livejournal.com/tag/spn%20ramblings)  
  
  
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**Title:** And We Can Breathe Again  
**Rating:** NC-17  
**Pairing/Characters:** Sam/Castiel primarily, with healthy dollops of Sam/Dean and Dean/Castiel  
**Notes**\- Au Post Lucifer Rising, No Spoilers for S5. This was started before the season and was summarily Jossed :) BIG shoutout to [](http://nightswhisper.livejournal.com/profile)[**nightswhisper**](http://nightswhisper.livejournal.com/) for betaing and [](http://9-of-clubs.livejournal.com/profile)[**9_of_clubs**](http://9-of-clubs.livejournal.com/) for cheering me on so much and providing such inspiration!  
**Disclaimer**\- Hell no they're not mine, Hell yes I wish they were.  
**Summary**\- Dean is Lucifer's vessel. Sam and Castiel are dealing. Poorly.

When Lucifer rose and took possession of Dean, Sam knew he was being punished. After years of fucking around with a single mission in mind- avenge mom, at first, and then avenge Dean; even after his return- Sam was finally being truly chastised for his multitude of sins. Maybe it was because he stopped praying or because he had gone too far with Ruby. Maybe it started when he was younger when he started feeling what he did for Dean.

Normal little brothers didn't want to lick the sweat off their older brothers after intense training sessions with Dad. Normal little brothers didn't dream constantly about feeling the hard press of their big brother's cock against their desperate hole. Normal little brothers weren't insanely jealous of angels, either. But, then, normality never really was Sam's thing.

He'd tried, of course. His time at Stanford being the closest he'd ever come to normal; the closest he'd ever come to losing this fascination he held onto Dean. Ultimately the world just didn't see that happening. When Dean skyrocketed back into Sam's life the second time, he secretly knew in his heart of hearts that he wasn't going to ever be able to return to normal, or if he was honest with himself, to Jess.

Still, Sam hadn't anticipated a lot of what happened once normal flew out the window. Leaving with Dean had been just the start of things.The more time Sam spent with his brother, the more the carefully structured dam he'd placed all of his inappropriate feelings behind sprung leaks. Sam found himself desperately trying to plug up these holes, nearly all his fingers and toes used, when Dean, in typical Dean fashion, took the initiative of breaking the whole damn thing down.

The first time they kissed in a decidedly non-familial way, Sam was barely conscious of what was happening. While chasing after a leprechaun, Sam had run full tilt into a cross beam that said leprechaun had magically lowered into his way. It knocked Sam down on his ass and nearly out for the count. The world spun around him and he could hear Dean firing off the two rounds it took to take out the damned thing. The world had started to dim when suddenly Dean was back in his field of vision. A quiet panic filled his brother's voice as he called to Sam to make sure he retained consciousness. His vision continued to dim, but then Dean's lips were on his and was brought almost immediately back from the darkness. Dean's immediate embarrassment at what he'd thought was the biggest mistake of his life was endearing. Sam shut up his panicked ramblings with a returned kiss. From that point on, Sam clung to his brother as a lifeline, doubly as desperate when he learned of Dean's limited time due to the deal.

Things changed again after Dean died. Sam went to a place far more grim than he ever felt he could go, and there was no foreseeable way out of it. He sought solace in drink and drug and eventually women. As much as he loved Dean, most other men weren't on Sam's "to-do" list. Frankly he was trying to pull himself away from everything that reminded him of Dean. He couldn't believe it when, after months of losing himself, Dean showed up to his doorstep, Bobby in tow.

He also couldn't believe how Dean had changed. Of course, later he understood why and how that change had come across, torturing souls in hell is bound to fuck anyone up, but all Sam could really feel at Dean's return was reservation and fear. He didn't want to break Dean, and he couldn't bear to lose him again, so Sam directed his frustrations elsewhere.

He went on the warpath. When Dean mentioned how he'd been saved- an Angel of the Lord, apparently- Sam had to quash the feelings of jealousy that sparked up. Not necessarily for Dean's attention at the time, though those would come later, but for the fact that this angel had succeeded in bringing Dean back where Sam had failed.

Initially Sam was only jealous in that capacity. It was when Dean started harping on about his interactions with Castiel, or Cas as Dean called him, that Sam's green-eyed monster took real form. Dean hadn't touched him in months. And now Castiel was damn near seeing more of Dean than he was. Which was partially his own damn fault, sure, but Sam was beginning to get very annoyed with all of the angel talk. He probably could have let it slide until he saw the two of them together.

When Dean and Castiel spoke it was as if every word was precious. Entire conversations were held between the two of them that Sam could only begin guess at because they took course through long periods of locked eyes. Sam knew then for certain that Dean was lost to him. He'd always have a brother in Dean, but their days of a shared bed were done. Dean was too skittish, and frankly too enamored with Castiel to really give Sam what he wanted. Sam could deal though, however poorly, with not being Dean's as long as Dean wasn't gloating about who he was spending his time with instead. Which of course meant that Dean was gloating entirely too much. So Sam rebelled against himself and against Dean and pushed himself into ensuring Lilith's death. In doing so, he'd lost Dean again, almost completely this time, and that was before Lucifer rose.

When the bright light indicating Lucifer's arrival became blinding, Sam clung to Dean hoping that maybe Lucifer would spare them in some kind of twisted sense of obligation to the people responsible for his release. He should have known better. When the light dimmed and it appeared nothing had changed, Sam drew a breath of relief. That was until Dean turned to face him, twisted grin on his face, eyes a startling shade of yellow.

  
Castiel was certain that Dean's current situation was a punishment from on High for his recent actions. His blatant disregard for direct orders was the only possible explanation for such cruelty. When he fled to the convent, after delaying as long as possible the wrath of the arch angels onto Dean, he was not prepared for what he'd find. If anything, he had been expecting Sam to be in the position of power over Dean, but it was Sam he found pleading before his brother. Castiel was at first confused- why on Earth would the person who had the potential to gain the most from Lucifer be prone before his brother? It wasn't until Dean turned to acknowledge his presence that Castiel understood.

He froze in one spot. Desperately he tried to will himself into action, but he felt completely overwhelmed that he had failed. He had been too late. Sam Winchester had opened the final seal and Lucifer had found his host. Castiel felt his knees start to tremble as the look of surprised on Lucifer's face (for he definitely was no longer Dean) became a look of glee.

"Cas!" The impostor exclaimed, "My God it is good to see you." Lucifer started to prowl forward, closing the distance between himself and Castiel with quick, confident steps.

"You know, I could have never done this without you, friend," he placed a mocking hand on Castiel's shoulder, "Really, I owe you a lot."

Castiel cringed under the burning warmth of Lucifer's hand and fought against every instinct that told him to flee. He looked over Lucifer's shoulder to see Sam pinned and writhing against a pew, struggling against some unseen force. Lucifer leaned into Castiel's field of vision, mimicking a move Dean had pulled earlier in Heaven's Greenroom. Castiel found himself staring into yellow, molted eyes with suddenly very little doubt as to their intent.

"Castiel, Castiel, Castiel. Look at you, so woobie and sad over your poor charge! If only you hadn't been too late," Lucifer started to press himself into Castiel, forcing the angel to lean into the wall he had materialized in front of. "But Cas," the nickname a mockery of what it once was, "riding around in Dean here has such advantages! He has all kinds of fun and impure thoughts he's just dying to act on. Do you know what that means?" Lucifer paused a moment to really force his body into Castiel, to press him hard into the wall, "It means he can finally get over those stupid, self imposed inhibitions, and get around to riding you."

Lucifer accented his proclamation with a snap of his hips and a fierce kiss planted on Castiel's lips. Castiel's eyes, which had been squeezed shut in a futile attempt to wish away the vision in front of him, flew open at this sudden and intimate action. He saw Sam suddenly bolt up, as though the force that was holding him down was lifted. Astounded by the opportunity that had just presented itself, Castiel felt himself dematerialize and then reform next to Sam. Grabbing the youngest Winchester into his arms, Castiel brought him to the only safe place he knew- the Greenroom.

  
"Where the hell are we, Cas?" Sam demands, almost immediately after breaking free of the near death-grip Castiel has on him. He pretends not to notice the flinch Castiel offers at the moniker Sam drops. "It looks like uh....a chateau?"

Gathering himself and steeling his face and eyes once more, Castiel replies, "It's the safe house where we kept your brother while you were," an awkward pause as Castiel considers appropriate wording, "indisposed."

A harsh laugh erupts from Sam, but further retort is cut off by curiosity. He walks around the room surveying his surroundings a little more closely. He sees paintings lining the wall depicting hell and chaos all over the world. There's a table in the middle of the room, currently empty, though it looks as though a banquet could erupt from it at any moment and be right at home. The room felt false, like a set from a movie. There are no doors or windows, just gilded frames and pressed tin ceiling panels. Sam could have swore it was something out of Versailles itself, complete with tacky furniture and delusions of grandeur.

"This is fascinating, Castiel, and really I understand wanting to hide from...Lucifer, but we can't hold up here forever." Sam starts pacing the room, agitation growing with every step. "I mean, Christ, at the very least we have to warn Bobby." Castiel remains silent for a moment as Sam's calm and adrenaline start to drain away.

"We cannot risk Lucifer gaining control of you, Sam," he says, finally, "The prophecy had Dean as the means by which Lucifer is defeated," Castiel sighs. "Tactically, using Dean as his vessel was a masterstroke. It's my fault he was even there in the first place."

"No, you were doing what Dean asked you to do. You brought him to me. There was no way you could have known what was going to happen."

Castiel's bitter laugh borders a sob, "I don't think you understand the part I had to play in all of this Sam. I was not just a passive observer, as I have been in the past." Sam stops his pacing and tension ratchets its way back into his body.

Suspicion plays over Sam's features as he states, "You were the one who let me out of the panic room." His voice is deceptively steady at first, "I couldn't figure it out, man. How the hell Ruby got me out of that room. Of fucking course it was you! The room is demon proofed to hell and back, but Bobby never thought to keep the other side out!"

The tension building in his body reaches its breaking point and snaps. Sam launches himself towards Castiel, fury morphing his features into the picture of rage. He pins Castiel against the wall, pressing fully into him, anger controlling his actions more than sense.

"You're the reason Dean is like this now!" He spits at Castiel, face mere inches from the angel's. His voice lowers almost to a whisper, "You are why he left me."

Castiel makes no effort to remove Sam from his current position, and guilt races across his face, "I am well aware of the effects of my actions, Sam..."

Sam's hand slams the wall beside Castiel's head, rattling the paintings and eliciting only a flinch from the angel. "And you're doing fucking what about it? Hiding here? Come on there's gotta be something you can do! You did this to him, you fucking sanctimonious prick!" This earns another flinch and Castiel pushes himself as close to the wall as if trying to dissolve into it and away from Sam.

Sam presses himself even further into Castiel, and completely removes any remaining space between the two of them. His frustrations finally come to a head, and irritation at Castiel's seeming lack of response lead Sam to do the only thing he can think of to stir any kind of reaction from the angel. He presses his lips to Castiel's roughly, eyes screwed shut and breath coming in huffs through his nose. This certainly garners a reaction from Castiel. However, Sam is shocked to find it's not the indignant fury he'd expected.

Castiel's reaction is ferocious, biting into Sam's mouth, bringing his hands up Sam's sides, grasping the lapels of the heavy cotton jacket he's wearing. Sam is shocked again when he finds their positions suddenly reversed as Castiel pushes himself away from the wall. He turns to shove Sam into his former spot. Sam's surprise causes his jaw to drop, and when Castiel takes advantage of this to lick into his mouth, Sam moans- a small, surprised sound. Castiel brings his hands under Sam's jackets and over-shirts and roughly slids them off the larger man.

Sam's anger morphs into other, unidentifiable emotions, and it's by accident, and to Sam's complete surprise when he mutters, "Dean," in reply to Cas' roaming hands. Surprise turns to horror when realization flits across his face and embarrassment brings in a flush. Castiel doesn't pause, even a moment, in his hurried removal of Sam's clothing. Sam takes this as a sign of encouragement and bends down to wrap his hands around Castiel, hands wrap boldly and firmly grip at his ass. Castiel, who had been busy exploring Sam's mouth with his own, takes the opportunity to rut against Sam. Startled by the sudden assertiveness and clear interest exhibited by Castiel, Sam pauses briefly enough to pull Castiel's hands from his lapels and shuck his coat off.

The kissing resumes as clothing falls in rushed waves from each of them. The insistent rut of Castiel's hips throws Sam's mind for a loop almost every time it happens. Sam can feel restlessness creeping up his neck, he's not used to sitting idly by while someone else takes charge. The anger he felt before surges towards the surface again and he finds himself suddenly pushing Castiel away.

"What is this?" Castiel asks, trying to make his way forward again, "Did you have a change of heart, Sam Winchester?"

Sam slams into Castiel and forces him to the other side of the room before replying, "Not exactly. I want to be explicitly clear here, Cas." An angry snap of the hips, "This isn't fun for you." Another, "This is punishment for what you did to Dean. You're. Punishing. Your. Self." A staccato burst of hips towards the end, followed by a sharp bite along Castiel's jaw. Castiel lets loose a surprised yelp, the aggression shown just moments earlier vanishing quickly. However, it's clear from the solid weight laying on Sam's hip that his interest hasn't waned at all. Sam worries the bite a little with his teeth, ensuring that the mark he leaves is one of significance.

Sam is surprised again by Castiel when this action is met with breathy moan. He pulls up from Castiel's jaw and whispers into his ear, "That's what I thought." Sam roughly grabs Castiel's hands and pins them above his head, holding them in place with one hand of his own. Castiel is wearing only boxers and an undershirt, most other clothing forgone in the mad rush earlier, and there is suddenly a wet spot blooming underneath Sam, Castiel's precome finally soaking through. Sam palms Castiel's cock, rubbing just enough to cause the angel to push forward to seek more friction. He's about to reach into Castiel's boxers to move this show onto the road it should have been on since the beginning when he hears a surprisingly loud slam come from behind him. He pushes his whole body into Castiel, protective instincts kicking in, and turns to see what caused such a noise.

Sam feels like he's going to spend the entire evening surprised because it hits him again when, in the place of the empty banquet table just present, there is a wrought iron four-post bed. When Sam turns back to face Castiel the angel's eyes are planted firmly on the bed, desire to be on the bed causing him to try and lurch towards it. The maneuver results in only a buck of his hips due to Sam's oppressive pinning.

Sam however picks up the idea rather quickly and grabs one of Castiel's legs with his free hand and wraps it around his own waist. He presses his mouth onto Castiel's and grinds forward as Castiel brings his other leg around Sam and locks his ankles together. Sam releases Castiel's wrists and reaches under his hips to pull him up and away from the wall. Castiel keens under Sam's aggressive push. His hands immediately find themselves intertwined within Sam's hair as he tries to take control of the kiss. Sam rushes them towards the bed and he almost throws Castiel onto it.

Castiel doesn't have much time to ponder his position sprawled on the slippery silk sheets before Sam crawls over him, batting his hands up and resuming the pinned position. Sam doesn't waste any time before reaching for the hem of Castiel's tee shirt. He starts to pull it up and motions for Castiel to lift, so as to make shirt removal easier. If it has the fortunate side effect of causing Castiel to grind into him, well, Sam's never one to complain.

He slides the shirt up to Castiel's pinned wrists, and then slips his hands out. Castiel moves to bring his hands down but a sharp, "No" and a snap of Sam's hips puts a stop to that quickly. Sam gathers the material of Castiel's undershirt and manhandles him into a corner, using the soft material as a bind.

"I can see," he whispers into Castiel's ear, voice deepened and roughened with lust, "what you want," he licks his was down to Castiel's pulse point. "I can see what you need," he murmurs into the skin there before lightly nipping. "But Cas, I need you to be honest with me," a strong bite accenting this sentence. Castiel struggles a bit against the cloth at his wrists and moans at the promises Sam's actions hold.

"I need you to tell me who you're really with. Where your head really is. Who you need."

Castiel shudders against Sam, wariness suddenly flickering across his face, "I'm not sure I follow you."

Sam shakes his head and bites again at the same spot, "Wrong answer, Castiel. You and I both know." Castiel grinds his hips, stubbornly trying to gain friction where Sam is providing none, desperate to continue without going into the dangerous territory Sam was lurking.

"I really don't know what you mean, Sam," he replies and Sam takes affront to this.

Instead of biting along the pulse point, Sam licks a trail down his chest, stopping just above a nipple. He starts slowly, licking wet circles everywhere but the point at which Castiel wants him most. Torturous and unhurried, Sam goes about getting the teased spot as sensitive as possible. When Castiel is writhing beneath him, Sam grazes the nipple with his teeth, just barely too hard. Castiel gasps out, "Dean," and Sam grins around the teased nub. He pulls back and looks into Castiel's eyes.

"That is what I meant," he says as an embarrassed flush spreads across Castiel's face and pale upper body, "Just so long as we're clear." Sam has had it with patience and waiting, so he crawls back up Castiel's body and slams their mouths together in a gnashing, biting kiss.

His hands run down Castiel's taught form to remove both the angel's boxers and his own. He manages to get them down around mid thighs before Castiel starts rutting again and against Sam's bare skin. Sam's impatience causes him to angle his cock into the groove of Castiel's hip, frantically seeking consistent movement and friction. Tiny, pleading sounds emerge from Castiel's mouth, whining into Sam's as he feels himself get closer to completion. He feels Sam's movements increase in speed and Castiel loses it. His gasps turn into a long, shuddery moan as he comes, Dean's name on the tip of his tongue, but not vocalized.

Sam follows, seconds later, though Dean's name definitely escapes his mouth. Sam pauses, gaining his breath, and rolls off to Castiel's side, flopping unceremoniously onto the bed. He rests briefly, unties Castiel and uses his undershirt to clean up between the two of them. There's an awkward moment where Sam isn't exactly sure what to do next. His answer comes when the lights, which Sam couldn't really see, dim.

Castiel, who has cleaned himself off using his shirt and pulled up his boxers, is pulling the comforter down and getting under it. Sam looks at him, their eyes lock and Castiel nods once. Sam pulls the covers down on the other side, sidling in next to him. They fall asleep on opposite sides of the bed. They wake up desperately grabbing onto each other and someone who isn't there.

_   
**And We Can Breathe Again--NC-17--Sam/Castiel, Sam/Dean, Dean/Castiel**   
_


End file.
